I’ve gotten a slew of grief gifts over the years that followed my husband’s death. Lots and lots of flowers. Books that mostly went unread. Candles of varying scents. Journals. Some condolence gifts helped a little more than others because of how unique, tender, or creative they were. Here are our suggestions for heartfelt sympathy gifts that stray from the norm:

1. “Fun” money. An aunt sent me letters of encouragement a few times a year. When I opened the first one, I was surprised to find $40 inside. She explained it was “fun” money for me and the girls—cash I should use to do something that might bring a little joy into our lives. It was always unexpected and led me to pause for a moment and consider what would insert some happiness.  

2. A majestic tree. Trees for a Change lets you plant a tree in memory of someone in a National Forest. The sites for planting are chosen based on need, meaning your tree will help heal a place damaged by wildfires. The recipient gets access to a website where the tree's location and photos can be viewed. I was gifted one, and the idea that a towering Sequoyah would live on in my husband’s name was very moving.

3. A Rainy Day Box. The gift so meaningful it spurred this company. Having wrapped gifts waiting for me to open them on my worst days was an indescribable help. Our boxes are regularly described as “the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received.” Check out the options here.

4. Paid-for yard work. My husband handled the grass, the leaves, and cleaning out the gutters. A relative investigated local lawn service companies, hired one, and paid for it for several years. It was a massive help to not have to worry about the time or expense of caring for my yard.

5. Toilet paper and trash bags. It’s a weird one, but my sister stocked me up with a massive box of trash bags and a recurring toilet paper subscription. I was so overwhelmed with grief that not having to think about little things like the toilet paper running out was a major gift. Anything in this vein (paper towels, cleaning supplies, cases of their favorite beverage, laundry detergent) works.

6. A hair locket. It’s a Victorian-era tradition that we’re all for bringing back. Hair (or mourning) lockets are a way to keep the memory of your loved one physically close. One side features a glass front that a lock of hair can sit behind. I was given a truly stunning vintage one that I treasure. There are a variety of vintage and modern options available on Etsy; Mementos Entwined offers gorgeous intricately braided options.

7. A memory weaving or quilt. I collected armfuls of my husband’s shirts and gave them to a friend who had asked if she could make quilts out of them. The result was a treasure, and the entire experience saved me from making painful decisions about whether to donate those items. Another stunning (and expensive) option: the Memory Weavings made by Muy Majo Studio.